Julie's Story: TRLA, Partner Domestic Violence Shelters Help Survivor Break Cycle of Violence

A shelter is often the first place a fleeing victim of domestic violence will go. The Legal Assistance to Rural Shelters Project (LARS), a partnership between Texas RioGrande Legal Aid (TRLA) and 20 partner domestic violence shelters across the 68-county TRLA service area, ensures that victims upon their arrival receive the legal assistance they need to break the cycle of violence.

The 7th Annual TRLA/Shelters Cross-Training Conference, held in San Antonio June 6-8, brought together shelter advocates and family law experts to discuss how to effectively provide critical services for victims of domestic violence. Julie Pilgrim, a survivor whose compelling story is featured below, was a guest speaker at the training. “Julie is a true example of how we can work together to make a difference,” said LARS Project Director Maricarmen Garza said.

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Julie remembers with vivid detail the event that would mark the beginning of her abusive relationship with Robert, her husband. One day, a simple trip to the grocery store quickly became the scene of intense arguing. With her daughter riding in the front child seat of a grocery cart, Robert raced the cart up and down the aisles, turning corners violently. After finding bruises on her daughter’s inner thighs once they returned home, she confronted him.

A fistful of hair. A bathroom mirror. Robert made use of both, grabbing her hair and slamming her face into the mirror. A phone call. An arrest. Three days later, Robert returned home begging for forgiveness through tears, promising nothing similar would ever happen again.

But the violence didn’t stop. Over a 15-year period, Julie found herself caught in a cycle of violence colored by conflict and empty reconciliation amidst physical and emotional abuse. Countless times she remembered thinking in her head, “Someone will notice. Someone will see me. Someone will make this end.”

Julie had hoped someone would have noticed the day when Robert dragged her by the hair back to her car on the side of a highway after she abruptly stopped the car and started running after a violent episode. She had hoped someone would have seen her when he pushed her out of a moving car. She had hoped the end was just around the corner.

Turning her world upside down, Robert isolated her from her family and friends. He hid her children at his relative’s house. He pinched her painfully, several times at night, to disrupt her sleep. He said that no one else would want her and that she was damaged beyond repair.

In 2001, Julie tried to break free. After seeing her eight-year-old son Jacob stand between her and Robert as the arguing once again escalated one evening, she left and spent four months at the Guadalupe Family Violence Shelter. Four months later, she had a protective order and a new place for her to live. Robert would be arrested multiple times for violation of the protective order. Despite her attempts to distance herself from him, her financial problems led her right back to him. And so the cycle continued, until one fateful day in 2006, when Robert beat her repeatedly with a baseball bat until she was rendered unconscious on the floor.

After coming to, Robert passed out on the bed beside her, Julie walked out the door and vowed never to look back. With the help of the Guadalupe Family Violence Shelter and Texas RioGrande Legal Aid (TRLA), Julie was welcomed with open arms at the shelter and assigned a TRLA family law attorney, Veronica Medina, to re-start divorce proceedings.

“The partnership between the Guadalupe Family Violence Shelter and TRLA has changed my life tremendously,” Julie said. “Without the help of TRLA, my legal advocate, and my attorney, I have no doubt that I would still be running and hiding from Robert and searching for a way out.”

The shelter’s legal advocate and TRLA staff worked with Julie to move things forward. Months later, Julie followed through on her divorce, and she left Robert for good.

“The lessons I’ve learned throughout this process are that I have the right to make decisions about my life,” Julie said. “I have the right to say no and mean it. I have the right to embrace life fully and enjoy my life. And I have the right to not be abused and to reach out for help when I need it.”